My body finally dealt me a break yesterday; I woke up and my ribs had gone back into place! I was so relieved and lifted. I was beginning to fear that they were never going to go back in and was wondering how I would live like that for the rest of my life. When I’m scared my mind tends to skip ahead to the hypothetical, something that I’m working on.
My pain level is still quite high compared to usual but I imagine that it takes a little while for your body to recover from something like that. I’m exhausted but except for last night, I haven’t been sleeping much. I have that unsettling haze of gloom hanging over me, the kind that you have when you wake up the morning after something really bad has happened. But, at least now I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. A small light, but a light nonetheless.
It’s been a little while since my last post and I thought that I should update. Thank you all so much for the kind words and support. I know that I haven’t responded to any of the comments and/or emails but know that I have read them all multiple times and they mean so much to me. The love and compassion gives me strength when I need it the most.
I got in to see the doctor the same day that I last wrote. The appointment was brief because she was fitting me in but it was enough time for her to get the gist of just how badly I’m doing pain-wise and how painful the rib subluxation is. Actually, I think she was a bit startled by the state that I was in. I hadn’t slept yet so I was in zombie mode, I couldn’t put my shoes on without my mom’s help and I was on the verge of tears whenever I tried to explain how hard things have been lately. She seemed to grasp my situation and desperation fairly quickly. She ended up giving me a prescription for Hydromorph Contin which is just time release Dilaudid (the pain killer that I used to take every once in a while when my pain level was especially high), to take twice a day. I’m on a much higher dose of that then I want to be and it’s been stressing me out but even with that I’m still having a really hard time with the pain. If I hadn’t been side tracked I would’ve insisted on a different medication because I can’t take this one without taking gravol first. If I don’t then the nausea gets bad enough that I just end up throwing the medication back up. It seems wrong to put so many pills in my body everyday and the gravol in combination with my beta blocker and pain medication make me unbearably tired. That would be fine – beneficial even – except that it hurts my back to lay down for very long at a time.
I’ve been in a bit of a better mood than before. I enjoyed my Thanksgiving even though it was a little overwhelming and I was too sick to eat much. I got to meet my cousin’s 5 week old baby girl for the first time (I love babies) and see some family that I haven’t seen for a long time. I was thinking about what I was thankful for on Thanksgiving day and the first thing that came to my mind was my mom, of course. She’s been so amazing and supportive the past couple of weeks. She’s the only thing that’s kept me holding on and I know that I’m unbelievably lucky to have her. I’m also very thankful to have the opportunity to write out everything that I feel – good and bad – here on my blog and for all of you and your kind words.
Anyways, I’m still trucking along as best as I can. I haven’t slept yet so I hope to write a little more later today once I have.