Change, hand in hand.

pills

So, I have a doctor appointment set for the 10th to discuss upping my pain medication and how bad the back pain is; both night and day. I’m a bit nervous, I’ve never liked discussing narcotics with doctors. It shouldn’t bother me but the stigma of drug addiction and chronic pain and how often it’s assumed that if you take narcotics you’re a drug addict, have always made me feel more ashamed of not only what medications I need to take for the pain, but the chronic pain itself. That’s one of the reasons I’m being open about this on here, I think it needs to be talked about in order to be better understood.

I think I deserve a certain amount of trust from my doctors by now when it comes to my pain medication and whether or not they can rely on me not to take it for the reasons it’s prescribed. I’ve been on the same low dose of codeine (T3s) for 7 years now and I’ve never once “lost a prescription” or taken them for anything other than pain. And I’m not naive enough to think that addiction could never happen to me, but I am educated and conscious of the facts involved and I take every precaution I can to keep that from happening. And when you’re doomed to a life of chronic pain that’s all you can do really.

They do say that those who really, truly suffer from chronic pain are less likely to abuse there pain medication than others. And, I can understand that; the best explanation I can give for my reasoning being that when you’re in a lot of pain the only think you can even begin to think of wanting from your medication is for the pain to lessen. You aren’t thinking of or craving a “high” because being in less pain is the best possible feeling you can imagine at that particular moment. So you take your medication for the reason your supposed to because that’s all you really want; just some pain relief. 

I’m still really bummed at the prospect of upping my medication at all. But, the pain is getting worse and I’ve still got a long way to go in life with this body. I want to have some quality of life while I can, you know? I need to let this particular part of my worries go and learn to accept and move on from it. I do feel really lucky that I live in a place with access to pain medication in the first place because not everyone does. 

Anyways, babbling aside, what I really wanted to say today was thank you all for your constant kindness and support. All of you mean so much to me! Knowing I can log on here and read so many loving, compassionate, understanding comments is such an incredible comfort. You’re all angels. xx