“My name is Destiny, and I am 20 years old. I love Panda’s. I’m a pretty plain girl…I love the colors black and white! Oh yeah, I’m also dying. Yep, I’m 20, and I am dying. How wonderful, right?”
I was introduced to Destiny’s story and Facebook page a few months ago by a fellow EDS zebra. Destiny is the same age as me and has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 4 which is the vascular type. This is considered one of the most severe forms of EDS due to the extreme fragility of the blood vessels and organs that it involves, which can lead to the rupture and tearing of many of the body’s major organs and blood vessels. The first thing that I learned about Destiny was that she’s incredibly strong and brave. The second – which you’re about to see for yourself – was that she’s an amazing writer with a gift for helping her readers see things through her eyes. The above paragraph that she wrote, in my opinion, sums up the kind of person she is; despite everything she’s lived and is living through – which is more than anyone should ever have to endure – she’s kind, cheery, funny and optimistic. She’s stoic beyond belief and there’s such a warm bright light within her no matter what she faces. And, she was sweet enough to let me use the following post as a guest post on Tissue Tales.
This day started out just like any other day. She woke up with only 20 minutes to spare, her alarm still ringing in her ears. She gently and quietly climbs down her bed, so as not to wake her slumbering roommates. She goes to the mirror and brushes her hair back into a ponytail when the world spins and tries to go black. Her cold, white hands cling to the futon as her heart pounded and the blood rushed everywhere but her head. The sparkles in front of her eyes began to lessen and the girl, with a face as pale as the moon pops her morning pills, downs a salt packet, and fills her cup with orange pedialite; flashing back to her days as a child, grabs her backpack, stands – slowly this time – and heads off to her first class of the morning. Her hands still shaking and her heart still racing.
She sits in her class with her heavy textbook on the table way in the back row. Listening to all the students talking about the parties of the night before, her mottled hands begin to warm up and she sips some more pedialite. The shaking begins to subside and she prepares herself for the next 2 hours. Her hands begin cramping an hour into the lecture as each second is another second of her body attacking itself. She puts her purple pencil down on her crisp white notebook for a break when suddenly the nausea hits. Deep inside her belly a heat hits her and it travels up to her head, which in turn fills with a pressure words cannot begin to describe. She grasps her desk tightly and tries to take a deep breath only to find her chest was too tight, she couldn’t breathe.
Her frantic green eyes searched around her for what to do. She noticed people were staring and their lips were moving but she couldn’t hear them. A hand on her leg, a feeling, someone can see something is wrong, she reaches for that hand, anything to keep her in the here and now, desperately trying to convey what is happening as she is a prisoner in her own body. She tries to move, and her dry, blue tinged lips try to form words when the pain rips through her chest and the world goes white.
Fast forward a few days later and the girl lies in a hospital bed with an icepack across her chest from a fractured sternum. The CPR done to save her life fractured her porcelain bones. Tears pour from her pale green eyes as she replays the words in her head again and again.”…too sick…medical leave….close call…can’t risk it…focus on yourself and family…you need to withdraw…”. On the bedside table lies a copy of the medical note from her team of doctors, a copy of a form she signed officially withdrawing her from college. On the bedside table lies a copy of all her hopes and dreams completely crushed by a disease no one has ever heard of.
This isn’t my best writing…but it is pieces from my last week in college before I was forced to withdraw due to my medical problems. Looking back, I agree it was the right decision, and I have accepted VEDS won that battle, but it still breaks my heart in half. School was an escape for me…even in Elementary. It was a place I could focus on something besides my disease and my pain. It was a place to express myself and learn who I was. In High school I was in so many activities, the honor roll, and was even teaching a class come senior year. School was my sanctuary…College became a more hectic, scary sanctuary. One that opened my world to limitless opportunities, all of which I wanted at one time…I loved the friends I made, the classes I took and all that I learned…and the main thing being to never give up.
My hopes and dreams are still on that bedside table. The travelling abroad, the tutor program, the German club, community choir, becoming a teacher or a psychologist, specializing in Autism…all of those are still on that table and never will I be able to pick those up, dust them off and hop back in….But with that loss comes growth.
My new dream: to raise awareness for rare diseases. To raise money for research. To find a doctor willing to do research on such a little known condition. To share my story and inspire others. To have my story reach as many people as possible…and eventually I’d like my dream to come true, true to the point that my slogan will no longer be needed. That “Awareness for a Cure” will not need to exist because people will have heard of Ehlers-Danlos type 1,2,3,4… KLS, Dysautonomia and the other rare diseases.
If you’re as inspired as I am by Destiny and you’d like to let her know you can find her Facebook page here.
Thanks for sharing your story with us Destiny!