Apparently the writer of this blog has fallen off of the planet altogether. Or, at least that’s what it may have seemed like after over 18 months of complete radio silence from me.
Things can change very quickly when you’re living with a chronic, degenerative disorder, and when they do writing updates about it (on the blog you chose to start specifically for that purpose, mind you) can rapidly evolve into a fairly daunting task. My disorder’s rare and complicated and it can drastically change how my body reacts to even the most routine of medical interventions and procedures, so explaining any new developments in it’s progression can often require that I take many branching, long-winded detours into explaining all of the relevant factors involved. So, inevitably I procrastinate writing the update, all the while my illness continues to throw new complications and side effects at me, adding to that ever-expanding list of what needs updating, and so on.
Fortunately for me, in the grand scheme of this thing called life the difficulty with which I maintain this blog – that I elected to do in the first place – is about as trivial an issue as it gets. Still, that’s how it might just end up that before you know it it’s been a year and a half since your last update, instead of the week or two that you had planned on making it to begin with. Good job Katie.
The other reason that I found it difficult to commit to writing was the severity of the effects that my disorder was (and often still is) having on me over this past year. This was both because it’s difficult to think and write when you’re very ill, but also because this was a dark and frightening time for me and I’d been stubbornly hung up on wanting to write some posts that were lighter in tone after the more serious ones that I’d been churning out since my eye started having problems again. I worried that people may not want to check in anymore if the tone of the blog seemed constantly dark and dire (apparently I figured people would prefer to check in and read absolutely nothing, instead). But, avoiding the worst of my disorder goes against one of the core things that I’d set out to do with this site, which was to write about the reality of my illness. Not how I wish it was, or how I want others to think it is, but how it actually is, even when that means that the tone of my writing will at times be dark and depressing.
In all honesty though, I do apologize for disappearing without so much as a word for such a long time. Luckily for me, the most serious consequences of that would likely have consisted of a simple thought here or there about where the Tissue Tales girl may have gone off to, or whether she’ll ever post again. That being said, I received a number of really kind and much appreciated emails from some of you, who were just checking in or saying hi, and I thank you very much for that. It’s nice to be thought of once in a while and the support that writing here has afforded me from and through all of you guys has been incredible and deeply cherished. There is such a sense of understanding and caring from the individuals and groups that I have been fortunate enough to have been introduced to through this blog, and I do miss it immensely when I’m struggling or away for very long.
So much has gone on since my last proper update that I’ve been wanting to vent about and share with you; starting with what has essentially been the catalyst of everything that’s gone on in the last year – my stay in the hospital – and the complications that lead to it in the first place. That’s the first and lengthiest thing that my update needs to cover, so from here on out I’ll be working on posting that, and afterwards some of the other things that have gone on.
Once I’ve more or less filled in all of the gaps of the past 18 or so months then hopefully I can get back into the routine of blogging regularly again. I have desperately missed this, and all of you, that’s for sure. For those of you that are still here after all this time: thank you so much for sticking around, I really appreciate your patience and continued support. You’re fantastic, as always.