Change, hand in hand.


So, I have a doctor appointment set for the 10th to discuss upping my pain medication and how bad the back pain is; both night and day. I’m a bit nervous, I’ve never liked discussing narcotics with doctors. It shouldn’t bother me but the stigma of drug addiction and chronic pain and how often it’s assumed that if you take narcotics you’re a drug addict, have always made me feel more ashamed of not only what medications I need to take for the pain, but the chronic pain itself. That’s one of the reasons I’m being open about this on here, I think it needs to be talked about in order to be better understood.

I think I deserve a certain amount of trust from my doctors by now when it comes to my pain medication and whether or not they can rely on me not to take it for the reasons it’s prescribed. I’ve been on the same low dose of codeine (T3s) for 7 years now and I’ve never once “lost a prescription” or taken them for anything other than pain. And I’m not naive enough to think that addiction could never happen to me, but I am educated and conscious of the facts involved and I take every precaution I can to keep that from happening. And when you’re doomed to a life of chronic pain that’s all you can do really.

They do say that those who really, truly suffer from chronic pain are less likely to abuse there pain medication than others. And, I can understand that; the best explanation I can give for my reasoning being that when you’re in a lot of pain the only think you can even begin to think of wanting from your medication is for the pain to lessen. You aren’t thinking of or craving a “high” because being in less pain is the best possible feeling you can imagine at that particular moment. So you take your medication for the reason your supposed to because that’s all you really want; just some pain relief. 

I’m still really bummed at the prospect of upping my medication at all. But, the pain is getting worse and I’ve still got a long way to go in life with this body. I want to have some quality of life while I can, you know? I need to let this particular part of my worries go and learn to accept and move on from it. I do feel really lucky that I live in a place with access to pain medication in the first place because not everyone does. 

Anyways, babbling aside, what I really wanted to say today was thank you all for your constant kindness and support. All of you mean so much to me! Knowing I can log on here and read so many loving, compassionate, understanding comments is such an incredible comfort. You’re all angels. xx

4 thoughts on “Change, hand in hand.

  1. If you have been on this same dose for 7 years, I am guessing your doctor knows you’re not a drug seeker. I know the feeling because I need adderall (an amphetamine) for an off label use, and every time I’ve moved, I have had to find a new doctor okay with prescribing it. I’m 3 for 3 with doctors being okay with prescribing it. I think they can see our nervousness when compared to a patient who may be lying to obtain the drug. I have had more doctors than I can count just offer me strong pain meds for the abdominal pain that often sent me to the ER because “you don’t seem like a drug seeker.” The point of this ramble is — don’t worry! I think you won’t have a problem getting the increase and if you do, the doctor is the one who needs educated, not you.


    • Thanks Jackie. :) I try to remind myself of that, I’m really bad for losing all my courage once I actually get to there. I’m also bad at trying to appear to be in less pain than I actually am, even in front of doctors which is obviously really counterproductive. I’m not sure why I do that.
      But the pain is bad enough now that I know I’ll be able to say what needs to be said and be 100% honest and upfront about it. I think it’s gonna go smoothly, she’s generally good with that kind of stuff. :)


  2. It bothers me that the general consensus is that someone who “claims” constant pain is considered doing it just for the meds. I lived on pain medication for trigeminal neuralgia. Needed it to get out of bed in the morning and function because the pain in my face made it impossible to think and the icepick jabbing pain in my left eye didn’t help. I needed it during the day to keep going. I really needed it at night to just be able to stop the pain long enough to fall asleep with the heating pad on my face for extra measure.

    I can’t imagine the pain you must live with daily and feel you are very courageous to deal with the pain and to openly discuss it here. That being said, it needs to be put out there that not every person abuses their pain medications and becomes addicted. Thank you so much for sharing your story and educating others.


    • Thanks for sharing your experience! I’m so sorry you have to deal with TM, I know (not personally) that it’s one of the most painful conditions in existence. :(
      It’s really sad and frustrating that those of us with chronic pain and illness have to deal with this stigma on top of all that we live with everyday. I know that doctors have to be careful and aware of the potential for addiction, but I also think that there needs to be trust and the benefit of the doubt when it’s been earned and established. I think that awareness and education is probably most important with this, for both patients and doctors.


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