It’s Thursday already?

Finally, an update! How is it that the days seem to drag on forever yet at the same time they’re going by so ridiculously fast? I had meant to do an update last week!

I’ve been feeling rather introspective, perhaps it’s a day for it because my good friend Benjamin seems to be feeling the same way! Actually, I’m rather moody as of late. I fear that I’m slipping back into one of my major depressive episodes. The holiday season seems to only be making it worse. I think that I’m still harboring sadness and anxiety over how last Christmas turned out. It seems like I have a hard time letting emotional pain go. The more sadness that creeps it’s way in the more I find some painful memories stealing their way into my thoughts along with it. I wish that I could be numb to both the physical and emotional sometimes, that I could forget some things that have happened. Life would be so much easier that way.

Knowing that I might be falling back into a major depression but not being able to stop it is terrifying. And, I wish that it wasn’t happening around Christmas, I don’t want to ruin the joy of it for the people that I love. It’s times like these that I wish I could be medicated for the depression. Even with the awful side effects and conflict over putting toxins into my body, I just want to get better. But, thanks to the urinary retention side effect that’s not even an option anymore.

Painwise, I could be doing better. My hip subluxated about a week ago. It went back into place fairly quickly but it’s been really sore ever since. My tailbone is also dislocated again. I’ve been looking into the tailbone removal surgery, but it sounds like it’s one of those gambling decisions where you might just end up worse off than you already were. And, with my tissue disorder, I think it’s best not to mess around with surgery unless it’s straightforward and 100% necessary. Besides, I’ve been dealing with the tailbone dislocations for as long as I can remember. They’re getting more frequent and they’re painful but I can manage them. 

I found out today that I’ve been approved for an appointment with one of the best orthopedic specialists in our province. It’ll likely be in mid March at the Children’s Hospital. We’re going to line it up so that it coincides with my echo there for the Marfan/Loeys-Dietz clinical study my pediatric cardiologist is doing as well as my appointment with my new “adult” cardiologist. Two echos in a matter of days isn’t ideal, they’re very painful because of my rib problems, not to mention that doing two of the exact same tests seems a little pointless but we have to attend our appointment with my new cardiologist within a year of the referral or the process has to be redone. I’m nervous about meet two new doctors. I’m always afraid that they’re going to be jerks, but I’m hoping because one is a highly recommended specialist and the other works with children for a living that it’ll turn out okay.

Winter by Dieter Thau

I hope that all of you are doing well tonight and that you’re enjoying your holiday season!

6 thoughts on “It’s Thursday already?

  1. Hugs to you friend. These sound like hard times. In early December things were pretty bleak for me – I was extremely depressed and very ill. But now things have started turning around, pain levels are going down, I’m finding more energy, and all around things are good. I really hope for a similar turnaround for you soon. If it’s not in time for the holidays, that’s alright. They’ll roll around again next year. Hugs hugs hugs.

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    • Thanks Rachel!! Things have improved a bit, I feel much less overwhelmed now that I’ve gotten my Christmas shopping done – procrastination at it’s finest.
      I hope you have happy pain-less-as-possible holidays! Hugs!

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  2. Brave Katie the mere fact that you are on the alert for your Christmas depression shows your strength of character. You face so many problems and yet you worry about other people and their emotions. You are an old soul. I must confess I have an annual depression scheduled for December , every year… It does not last though so I am grateful. Hang in there. You are strong!

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