This may sound odd and it could be very improbable but I’m just relaying exactly what I feel, and what I feel is: my body seems to go through phases where the tissue is weaker than other times. Like for instance, sometimes many of my joints will continuously subluxate at the same time more often for a while and then go back to “normal”. My pain level also rises in the same areas, not even only after the subluxation but before too. Like today, my tail bone is out again (it’s been doing this for as long as I can remember and I think I can place the initial injury that weakened the tissue back to when I was 5 and dropped down on a bicycle extremely hard, I remember only because it hurt so bad), my shoulder is continuously grinding and popping in and out, as well as my hips. I’ve only been awake for about an hour but I wouldn’t be surprised if my ribs and throat or jaw joined in as well. I had an awful headache all through the night and my left hip was aching the entire time I was in bed making for a not so restful sleep (my mattress is also extremely worn down and hard on my body, spine especially).
Another new development; I had a visual hallucination last night. Something I’ve never experienced before. I had been tossing and turning and only sort of half sleeping, when I woke up to see my red heart shaped pillow floating up in the air around my room. The more I looked and processed the more my mind tried to make sense of what I was truly seeing, while searching with my hand for the switch to my lamp. I had wondered if it was my garbage bag (hot pink) being blown up and around by my fan because a floating pillow is obviously impossible. When I finally did find my lamp switch and flooded the room with light there was nothing in the air. My pillow and garbage bag were in their rightful places and I was left shaken, blinking and staring up at nothing at all. I felt so awake, but the more probable solution to such a thing would be that I was not entirely so…right? But I was seeing clearly and thinking clearly. There was plenty of time before I switched the light on for me to stare at what I was (or thought I was) seeing.
I hadn’t taken any sleeping or pain medication in the last 24 hours. The only thing in my system was my beta blockers and the natural hormone melatonin that I’ve taken 1000 times before. I’ve been trying to come up with possible explanations to the hallucination and though I feel so sure that I was fully awake and that was not the cause, it’s the most realistic reason that I can come up with. After all, people don’t just hallucinate floating objects for no reason. It was light enough in my room with the setting sun that I saw what I “saw” clearly. Whatever the cause, it definitely gave me a bit of a fright once I realized there was nothing there. I lay there thinking about it for a long time before getting up and checking on my mom (just in case it was a “sign”) and finally deciding to try sleeping again. I thought of telling her at the time when she asked me what was keeping me up but I figured it would sound even crazier out loud than it did in my head.
Anyways, there’s your dose of strange for the day, and it’s only 7:00 am! I’ll probably be going back for a nap at some point today, the longer I sit here writing this the sooner I think that I’ll be doing that. The beta blockers like to make me super tired and at the same time make trying to sleep hard work. Oh, and I think there may be many grammatical and punctual errors in this post because of sleepiness, a headache and a general unwell feeling. Thank goodness for spell check though, at times like these I’d be so much worse off without it.