It’s 3:30am right now, our bus leaves for Van at 9:30am and out of the last 48 hours I’ve only slept for about 4. Tossing and turning in bed all night is so frustrating. It’s really hard to properly explain the feeling you get when you’re so tired and exhausted that you can’t fathom staying awake another minute, yet, you lay in bed for hours still unable to fall asleep. I don’t even understand it myself but what I do know is that it’s impossible to function normally. I’m more like a shell of myself, a zombie, empty and blank.
My pain level has been ridiculous since Wednesday – miserably so. To be more specific it’s been the worst in my back, shoulders and ribs. Never properly sleeping makes it way worse too. My headaches haven’t been too bad as far as they go so that’s one relief. Thank goodness too because I don’t know if I could handle it.
I’m really dreading the bus trip. Even with the comfortable recliner chairs on the Shriner’s bus, catered to people in pain, the 8 hour trip will be a rough one unless my pain levels lower. My eye appointment on Monday sounds even more dreadful. We were told to expect to be in the waiting room for up to 3 hours before we’re called in. And, in the past we’ve waited much longer than that. Whoever designed the waiting room chairs was not thinking much about the people who actually have to sit in them. It’s almost comical how unpractical in shape they are, making them highly unpleasant to sit in.
All day today I’ve been having some unsettling symptoms in my right eye (the same eye that the stitch is poking out of). I’m getting a tiny ring around the outer and bottom edge of my vision, almost exactly the same as the one that started about a week before that lens dislocated. I’m trying not to think much of it and to be honest it’s pretty easily done. For some reason I can’t actually worry or feel much in regards to things like that, possibilities. My mind automatically shuts those thoughts out and stores them away which is really helpful in dealing with (or technically not dealing with) some of the things that go on in my life. So, other than a weird kind of unease/bad feeling looming around about it, it’s not bothering me a bit.